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Brain Dead Killer's Number 1 Fan says "I'm Off"

Funny story: Brain Dead Killer's Number 1 Fan says "I'm Off"

Siobhan O'Dowd the Number One Fan of Psychotic Murdering Gunman Raoul MOAT, has defender her actions regarding her Facebook Site today, in an interview with the "Daily Balls" She said, "Well er like Moat he was er like a decent bloke and Dad and t...

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FSA to be replaced by Masturbating Monkeys or...

Funny story: FSA to be replaced by Masturbating Monkeys or...

In a move that everyone was expecting; Tory Chancellor George Osborne has announced that he intends to scrap, the utterly pointless and overpaid regulator, the FSA. The FSA, or Financial Services Authority, was made notorious for utterly...

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Screeching Morons Euthanised

Funny story: Screeching Morons Euthanised

In a stunning move, that just about anyone with a shred of musical taste could have predicted, Irish Twats Jedward have been given the chop by their music label. The news comes as their one and only anal belch or "single" failed to top the UK char...

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Celebrity Marriage Collpase Horror; Peter Andre rubs hands together; John Terry just rubs

Funny story: Celebrity Marriage Collpase Horror; Peter Andre rubs hands together; John Terry just rubs

In a move that has surprised absolutely nobody, Girls Aloud "celebrity" wife Cheryl "he's like a brother to me" Cole is set to divorce her trophy husband Ashley Cole. Cole made the announcement recently, after much speculation that her husband had...

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The resignation of mumbling uber-regulator Hector Pants has left the FSA reeling

Funny story: The resignation of mumbling uber-regulator Hector Pants has left the FSA reeling

Finally the FSA sees the writing on the wall as, in a startling move, that for once showed incredible foresight and presence of mind, Pants mumbling Chief of the FSA has seen something that was as plain as the nose on his smug face and resigned. M...

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Brain Dead Man Cries live on TV

Funny story: Brain Dead Man Cries live on TV

An emotional Peter Andre stopped a live Bilge News TV interview after breaking down while talking about his children and celebrity whore Katie Price. Andre asked to quit the interview with Bilge's Fenella Vadge after stating her: "I'm sorry for re...

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Fred "the Shred" Goodwin starts new job

Funny story: Fred "the Shred" Goodwin starts new job

Disgraced incompetent cockmuncher Fred Goodwin who singlehandledly rogered the nation (this is all my opinion, you understand), and left the Royal Bank of Scotland more f*cked than a Canvey Island Primary School girl on a Saturday Night, has been hir...

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The right to self-defence - Reality Star speaks out

Funny story: The right to self-defence - Reality Star speaks out

Readers of the tabloids will be aware that Polly-thene Ass former reality pop singer and current underwear model has been cautioned by the Police for defending herself against garden invaders. Ass, or "Arnie" as her neighbours know her spoke to Ka...

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Smugzone layer saved, pointless t*ats reconsider existence

Funny story: Smugzone layer saved, pointless t*ats reconsider existence

After this week's welcome news that political-conscience rockers Rage Against the Machine had beaten the bastard child of Simon Cowell and Cheryl Cole to the coveted Xmas Number One spot, we can exclusively reveal that the earth's protective smug-zon...

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Talentless Hack backs McElderry over Cowell Monopoly threat

Funny story: Talentless Hack backs McElderry over Cowell Monopoly threat

X Factor winner and warbling Geordie foetus Joe McElderry does not deserve to be "stuck in the middle" of a fight for the Christmas number one, said Svengali and champion of the unefesibly high waist band Simon Cowell. A brilliantly conceived cam...

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World in danger after X Factor result

Funny story: World in danger after X Factor result

After tonight's not at all surprise X factor result, Scientists fear that the world is now in supreme crisis. Nasa and Nato have gone to Defcon4 and the Environment Agency have raised the Thames Flood Barrier in preparation for an onslaught of bib...

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X Factor Shocker

Funny story: X Factor Shocker

The X Factor was rocked to its foundations tonight after pre-pubescent girls' favourite Joe "Way Aye" McElderry was rushed to hospital with a mysterious suppurating growth on his cheek. McElderry, 2 and a half, went down with the mysterious afflic...

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Video Game Violence Slated

Funny story: Video Game Violence Slated

The Cycle's Electronic Entertainment Correspondent Arbuthnot Flange-Plate reports: A sudden upswing in teenage violence has led to rabid calls for the banning of violent video games. Sir Waldorf Qum-Buquet Liberal Peer for spoiling peoples' fun...

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Knox defence appeal campaign revealed

Funny story: Knox defence appeal campaign revealed

The Monthly Cycle can reveal today that Murderer Amanda Knox's defence appeal campaign will be based entirely around the fabled "Shaggy" defence. Knox, serving 26 years for brutal Murder, has polarised the world, with the did she or did she conund...

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Yank Murderess' appeal sparks outrage!

Funny story: Yank Murderess' appeal sparks outrage!

The Italian Government reacted with righteous indignation today as a war of words broke out with the USA over the Amanda Knox deviant sex murder trial. The Italian Prosecutors in the case were outraged that their decisions and the processes of the...

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Sailors had Wicked and Evil Intent

Funny story: Sailors had Wicked and Evil Intent

Rhum Baba News - The Iranian Revolutionary Guard Catering Corps Newsletter reports: Imperialist British Aggressor Sailors have been arrested off our coast, trespassing within our Special Economic Zone. Ali Kazi-Pump spokesman for the Revolution...

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Wales in Mourning

Funny story: Wales in Mourning

Little known English County Wales is in mourning tonight after warbling pre-pubescent songster Lloyd Daniels was unceremoniously booted off tonight's X Factor. Daniels, 6 months and a barely formed foetus lost out to gurning Essex Love-God Olly Mu...

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Jordan out of Jungle but not out of the shit

Funny story: Jordan out of Jungle but not out of the shit

When pointless breast carriage mechanism Katie Price left the Celebrity Jungle camp saying: "I am going home. I miss my kids so much," we here at the Cycle thought just for a moment that her execrable performance and the overwhelming opprobium of the...

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Breaking news…

Trump Jr. Says That He Always Wanted to Be Separated From His Parents

That's why he can't understand the consternation at the border with kids being taken from parents.
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