Written by Ulver
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Thursday, 4 February 2010

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Andre hears the news of Jordan's latest union !

An emotional Peter Andre stopped a live Bilge News TV interview after breaking down while talking about his children and celebrity whore Katie Price.

Andre asked to quit the interview with Bilge's Fenella Vadge after stating her: "I'm sorry for releasing Insania, I don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry can we end this now?"

The singer bowed his head and started to cry after vowing to "fight to the death" for his children, should Vacuous Celebrity Bilge Pump Price or her new pointless waste of skin "cagefighter" husband Alex Reid ask for custody.

Vadge said "I was mortified at having upset such an obvious target or "doting family man" and was keen to offer sincere apologies, but he was his usual charming self and even gave me a free copy of his latest opus".

He appeared on Lifestyles of the vapid and pointless to promote his new album "More o' the same Shite" released this week.

But he grew emotional after he was shown video footage of his early hit "Mysterious Girl", stating "I have apologised for that on several occasions!"

In the clip, which Andre had been warned about but had not seen for several years, Andre is seen to cavort in a homoerotic fashion whilst flashing a heavily oiled chest.

An angry Andre responded by saying: "I asked to make a video to showcase my talent instead they made me look like a prize tit, then I married that plastic whore and now I look like an even bigger tit!"

Vadge then asked Andre how he would feel if Celebrity Big Brother winner Reid wanted to adopt his children, Junior, 4, and Princess, 2.

A distressed Andre replied: "No one is going to take my kids away from me. And I will fight to the death for that. By the way my new album's out this week it would make me feel so much better if you all went out and bought it"

His voice cracking, he added: "Nobody is going to take those kids away from me. It's not going to happen. The only thing that could make me feel better is if I got to number one on Sunday."

Vadge switched back to talking about the singer's album but a teary-eyed Andre said: "I'd rather just stop this if that's alright. I'm sorry can we end this now, I need to check my album sales."

The presenter apologised for upsetting Andre and after he left the set assured viewers that he was ok.

Earlier, Andre had said he was going to spend tonight cooking his children a "nice meal while sticking pins in a Voodoo doll of his execrable ex-wife, and downloading copies of his album off www.Codpiece.web".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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