Written by Ulver
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Sunday, 13 December 2009

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Tonight's shock Smugzone Hole above Cheryl Cole tonight !

After tonight's not at all surprise X factor result, Scientists fear that the world is now in supreme crisis.

Nasa and Nato have gone to Defcon4 and the Environment Agency have raised the Thames Flood Barrier in preparation for an onslaught of biblical proportions.

The cause of all this fear is apparently a gigantic hole that has been torn in the hitherto unsullied Smugzone layer, directly over Talentless bint Cheryl Cole's pointless head.

The hole was torn into the protective smugzone layer at exactly the same time as Dermot O'Leary announced that Joe McElderry the sprightly Geordie foetus championed by Cole had won the competition.

It is understood that a crack unit of British Astronauts may be called upon to try and repair the Sumgzone layer, in a mission reminiscent of Hollywood's "classic" Armageddon.

Sadly though we don't have a Bruce Willis to lead the expedition so it is likley that we'll have to bring out seventies TV hardman Dennis Waterman to lead the operation.

Meanwhile in other news it is understood that unlucky loser Olly Murs will be available on the midnight shift tonight at the Colchester Call Centre C*ntcom !

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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