Written by Matt Birkenhauer
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Wednesday, 7 August 2013

image for Abraham Lincoln to Switch Parties

HEAVEN--In a tweet sent from heaven yesterday, Abraham Lincoln announced: "Watching the Party of Me turn into the party of Steve King and Don Young. Am switching to the other side, till my side gets its shit together." The founder of the modern Republican Party then followed his tweet with an email:

"Almost eight score years ago, about the time of the Kansas-Nebraska Act, the modern Republican Party was founded, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.

Now the GOP is engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that notion, or any notion which somehow equates 'liberty' with xenophobia against all races but that of the Caucasoid race, can long endure. We are, in fact, right in the middle of a great battle with this Immigration Bill in Washington, with my party, the party that passed the Thirteenth and Fourteenth Amendments to the Constitution, calling large swaths of this country drug mules and wetbacks and worse, as we alienate just about every ethnic group in America. It is altogether stupid and un-wise that we should do this, but here we are.

It is for the reasons enumerated above that I am switching parties. A party that supports voter suppression--as the modern GOP most assuredly did in 2012 and still does--and a party that condones the taking of a teenage African-American's life in the name of the morally indefensible Stand Your Ground Laws--is a party that I can no longer support. It is my fervent hope that by withdrawing my support from this party, this party shall, under God, have a new birth of freedom--and that the party of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth.

But I'm not holding my breath."

Abraham Lincoln

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