Written by Hammurab
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Monday, 1 July 2013

Having experienced great success in the privatization of the military with groups Blackwater, prisons with corporations like MTC, and with Congress itself by blatantly serving whoever has the most money, the Republican party today introduced a bill to privatize the concept of fairness.

"We believe that fairness, much like other service industries, belongs in the hands that have created excellence in this country from the beginning: the free market," said prominent Republican Paul Ryan (R, Wisconsin). "American should be pleased with the improvements in service, efficiency, and overall prosperity when you let simple economic principals function without the constraining hand of a socialist government."

Early versions of the bill are very encouraging, including directly replacing the "Justice System" with a simplified bidding system, expected to reduce wait-times for trials with exactly the same results.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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