Written by Leddy
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Friday, 9 July 2010

A freelance engineer by the name of Tommy Lardas has revolutionized the physical fitness industry with his Cycle Ab Builder. This incredible new device combines the mobility of a bicycle with the power crunching physical exercise of sit-ups.

Tommy Lardas had this to say about his revolutionary, mobile piece of gym equipment.

"I have always enjoyed riding my bicycle, not only is it non-polluting to the environment but it gets me where I want to go too. Riding a bicycle is healthy for your cardiovascular system, your legs and forearms but it doesn't do Jack squat for your midsection or abdominal solarplex muscles.

"After riding my bike for years, my legs and forearms were in top physical shape, however, my stomach, rib-cage area and chest were extremely obese. The skin around my chest area hung down to my waist and flopped around in the wind as I sped along on my way to work. I had a severe case of beer-barrel abs that when I wasn't careful would hang too low and drag on the front tire of my bike causing it to wear down rapidly and go flat.

"In fact, replacing both of my bicycle tires got to be very expensive over time. My hips and hind-quarters were so huge that they weighted an incredible 300 pounds by themselves, and replacing bicycle seats that snapped like twigs under the tremendous weight of my fat carcass was a tough job.

"Something had to be done to get my poor excuse for a body in shape but I didn't have time for the gym.

"One night after drinking a case of 24oz. cans of beer and eating just as many avocado and mayonnaise sandwiches with extra salt, I received a flash of insight and inspiration from my higher-power and the idea for the Cycle Ab Builder, came to me.

"I began working on my creation immediately and built the first prototype of the Cycle Ab Builder. I connected a 2' x 6" vertical, hinged plank to my bicycle seat. I then connected two pully cables to the pedals and hopped on. Using the strength of my back to rock back and forth, I pulled one pedal up and the other pedal down as I moved along. A burnt calorie calculator connected to my chest indicated that I was burning 10,000 calories an hour as I rocked my way along crunching the layers of blubber away from around my chest and waist.

"The Cycle Ab Builder was a total success and after riding it for just 6 months, I lost a whopping 400 pounds. I'm now down to 160 pounds with 6 pack-abs, instead of beer-barrel ones.

"My name is Tommy Lardas and I recommend the Cycle Ab Builder for anyone who wants to develop a Tuff & Buff Torso."

Cycle Ab Builder, not sold in stores, available only by phone. Please have your credit card handy, operators are standing by.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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