Written by Stephen Prime
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Topics: Health

Saturday, 3 July 2010

image for New research findings astound medical community

The medical community was rocked last night by the research findings of the University of Lamebridge regarding human health disorders.

The studies were conducted over a 20 year period, involving over one million participants. The findings could rock the way people live their lives and modern attitudes to health.

It was found that fat, unhealthy people who don't exercise and smoke 40 cigarettes a day are usually more likely to get sick and die than young healthy athletic people who look after themselves.

Although some have dismissed the findings as outlandish, many academics in the medical field are already calling the study 'ground breaking' and 'astonishing.'

If the findings of the study, which cost over £300 million to fund, are proved true then it is unlikely that fat people will continue to be fat, since they are clearly less healthy than healthy people. Also, smokers who previously had no idea that they were being unhealthy will put down their fags and put on their running shoes.

'If only these findings had been announced earlier' commented one fat unhealthy person on hearing the news 'I'm so glad that this study concentrated only on the surface problem and the objective facts rather than getting down to the actual cause of the problem and looking at the reasons behind obesity and addiction. Now that I know the glaringly obvious fact I'm much more likely to be able to change my ways!'

Only time will tell, but optimists are hailing the end of the health crisis which has been sweeping across developed nations.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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