Written by Keith Shirey
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Thursday, 17 April 2014

image for Afterlife Sex Shifts To New Topic, Part 5 AMONG WORLD LEADERS CALLING FOR SHELTERS

A question about sex in the after life was the first "Question Of The Week" from the planet Sophia 69. The answer can be found in my second and third columns about that planet. An answer to another question, "Why Doesn't The U.S. Government Make manufactures of the Chevrolet Volts and Cobalts Affix Death's Head's To The Doors of The Vehicles?" as been put on hold.

The reason given in a communiqué from the planet is because they are "having way too much fun" observing human behavior in response to their contacting planet earth.

Their contact with our planet thus far, as everyone on earth knows, has only involved influencing media which deals with news to have substantial content and analysis in its programming plus subliminal messaging.

This messaging, easily understood and translated by earth scientists, simply embeds ethical messages held in common by world religions: "Peace is better than war, "Love is superior to hate," "Forgiveness is better than vengeance," and the like.

The human response that so interests Sophia beings is what they call "the product of delusional paranoia and the almost total lack of interest in simple morality and the cessation of war."

Space does not allow for the enumeration of all human responses and activities that Sophia 69 is referring to but I'll attempt to point to some: Fundamentalist religious leaders in all countries perceive a "hidden agenda" in the subliminal messaging employed on earth by Sophia 69.

The "Abiding Truth Ministries," "TheAmerican Family Council, and the Rev.
Pat Robertson say that the purpose of the subliminal messaging is to undermine traditional American values, particularly "family values." Commentator Pat Buchanan perceives a "concealed messaging to promote the homosexual cause, attack white supremacy, and the Roman Catholic Church."

And various fundamentalist Islamic muftis have issued fatwa's (interpretations of Islamic law) which usually state, "The non-earthly infidels shall be the object of holy Jihad (holy war)." In Quetta Pakistan, the cleric who issued a fatwa against a man and woman suspected of committing adultery, who were then stoned to death because of the Fatwa, said the same fate should await Sophia 69 infidels if they came to earth.

Myanmar Buddhists and Muslims who are slaughtering one another say they will be undeterred from the messages from Sophia 69. Too, government officials there they will not stop persecuting Christians. And leaders of Muslim and Christian groups in the Central African Republic who are butchering one another say the communications from Sophia are irrelevant because God or Allah is on their side.

In the United States, Howard P. "Buck" McKeon, Chairman, of the House Armed Services Committee (R) CA., called a special committee session to grill Chair of the Joint Chief of Staff, Gen. Martin Dempsey about Sophia 69.

He and other committee members tried to get details about plans to defend the U.S. against an attack from the planet and, particularly about the U.S.' state of military preparedness. Dempsey, however, was not forthcoming saying that such information was "super duper secret" and "awful hush-hush" because "The ability of the NSA and CIA to spy on Americans" is at stake.

House Oversight and Government Reform Committee Chairman Darrell Issa, R-Calif., pressed Obama administration spokespersons for more information as to whether the Slophia 69 crisis was connected to the Benghazi fiasco and Hillary Clinton's "irresponsibility." He also used a committee hearing to praise the late Senator Joseph R. McCarthy.

As widely reported, shelters and bunkers for high-ranking government officials and crucial military facilities throughout the world are being re-stocked.

Too, civilians in developed countries are building concrete lined underground shelters, some able to withstand a blast from a 12-megaton explosion at a distance of 700 meters, as was standard during the Cold War. World leaders have advocated the building of such shelters.

Emma and Vern Hatfield, in their 50's, from South El Monte, CA. said, that they were building a shelter in their backyard because they "didn't know what the aliens were up to."

Said Emma, "They may not want to nuke us but have you read the book Soylent Green where people's body parts are eaten for protein? "

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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