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Tuesday, 15 April 2014

image for Husband Like A Wild Animal in Bed!
Bates Motel and Restaurant

Esther Montgomery Mellencamp says that her husband, Homer Cougar Mellencamp is a wild animal in bed at night.

She told The Georgia Dudley Tribune, a small newspaper in a small town, that she didn't mind telling this to us by phone as all their neighbors already knowed it from the wild sounds coming from their bedroom at night and that was all she had to say.

One neighbor who has since moved to nearby Haviland, Georgia told us that that was the main reason they had to move. Mr. Layton Seamore Moleturd told our reporter that there were other reasons for their moving. He stated that you just can't chase chickens all day for the Purdue people without getting any sleep at night. Apparently they located closer to the Chicken Processing Factory.

The Montgomery's neighbor across the street stated that the racket was sweet music to him. Got him and his Daisy Lou all excited too.

"That Moleturd only left because he knew he couldn't keep up. We can't either...but it's fun trying. He's actually further from the Chicken Factory."

Esther and Homer Cougar would not respond to our calls or knocks on the door. Actually our only call ended with her saying, 'That's all I gotta say'. But Daisy Lou across the road told us that Esther says that it's not bad at all having a wild animal like Homer Cougar at night but that she was busy all morning cleaning up after 'Coug' had sprayed his territory before he leaves for work as a dishwasher at the Bates Motel & Restaurant.

-Morrie Phillips for the Georgia Dudley Tribune.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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