Mosquitoes Repelled By Durutti Column Album

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 7 September 2011

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Mosquitoes can't stand sadness

Mosquitoes hiding out at a swamp next to an Englishman's Bangkok apartment have claimed that their livelihood is being threatened by the man's state of mind, and the tendency he currently has for playing 'sad music'.

The man concerned, Moys Kenwood, 48, recently went through a divorce, and, as a by-product of being left high-and-dry by a subsequent girlfriend, has since fallen into a rut so deep, that even playing The Ruts 'In A Rut', has failed to lift him out of it. The mosquitoes now say that Kenwood has taken to repeatedly playing the Durutti Column album 'Someone Else's Party', whilst wallowing in self-pity.

The album, written shortly after the death of the mother of band frontman, Vini Reilly, is truly sad, and appears to perfectly fit the wonkey moods of Kenwood, who masquerades as a teacher to raise cash.

A spokesmosquito for mosquitoes said:

"We've had problems with this chap. First, it was Joy Division and repeated playings of A Certain Ratio's 'To Each', which is morose, at best. He raised his spirits briefly with a couple of days of 'Fall Heads Roll' by The Fall, but the negativity was still there. After that, he completely lost it, and it was downhill from that point on. He went through the entitre Leonard Cohen catalogue, before plunging headlong into the Durutti Column, from which there is, usually, no escape. Our members know when they are beaten. A bit of 'low spirits' is one thing, but sadness of this magnitude is a red flag to make some major changes, and we've advised mosquitoes in the area to seek blood elsewhere."

Kenwood, thought to be meditating on new levels of introspection, was unavailable for comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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