New Year Delayed by One Second

Funny story written by Jason Safoutin

Sunday, 25 December 2005

image for New Year Delayed by One Second
You can do a lot with one extra second.

Washington (REUTERS) - People all over the world, celebrating the New Year this year will have to wait a whole second. For the first time in seven years there will be a "leap second". Atomic clocks around the world will have an extra second planted into them to adjust for the Earth's rotation.

Drunks can "enjoy the New Year a second longer," the Institure of Technology said today. "You can blow your horns, drink your beer and kiss a stranger a bit longer."

New Yorkers Respond To The Delay -

It seems not everyone is happy about the extra second. Mayor Michael Bloomberg is furious. "We have to completely redesign the ball this year. The tower has to be a foot longer now," said Bloomberg.

"I do not like the sound of having to say 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 1," said one New Yorker.

The complete redisign of the "dropping ball" will cost "millions" said Bloomberg. "Every light, every wire, everything needs to be changed. No one wants to count for a second longer. It just sounds stupid."

NYU Scientists say that because of the "mass confusion" a minute should now be measured in 61 seconds instead of 60. "It will make things a whole lote easier for everyone around the world. Afterall, you can accomplish a whole lot in a second".

Bush Fears "Mass Confusion" -

The White House is in shambles over the decision for an extra second. It has been reported that President Bush suffered a panis attack when told the news. "He doesn't know what to do when he waes up let alone what to do with an extra second available", says Cheney.

Israel On Extra Second -

Ariel Sharon was quoted saying "This extra second is a good thing. It gives us more time to think of where Iran's new piece of real estate will be. Anyone want to buy some newly leveled land?"

Clocks Recalled -

Hundreds of companies have recalled their clocks saying that the extra second "will have to be added onto all clocks in the world." All clocks are expected to be returned making it the largest flow of returns in world history as clock returners will joins Christmas shooppers side by side, in returning items. Riot police are expected to be on hand at retail outlets everywhere.

Overall, adding the extra second will cost the world so much money, that world leaders are considering filing for bancruptcy.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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