US Border Fence Plan ‘Tacky'; Christo to Rescue

Funny story written by misha marinsky

Tuesday, 20 December 2005

WASHINGTON - The U.S. House of Representatives voted this past Thursday to install 698 miles of fencing along the United States border with Mexico.

The fence was immediately and loudly denounced by Mexican President Vicente Fox, Ralph Lauren, Andy Rooney, and the ghost of Andy Warhol, as ‘tacky.' Andy Warhol's ghost said, "This is so awful, I had to come back to tell everyone who will listen."

Taken aback by this furore from the fashionista world, Minority Leader Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) of the U.S. House of Representatives, quickly used her well earned reputation as the consummate diplomat, and garnered unanimous support from both sides of the aisle to award the fence building contract to Christo and his wife, Jean Claude. The United States Senate immediately followed suit, and unanimously passed similar legislation, simply titled The Fence, a bill.

Unlike Christo and Jean Claude's New York City installation The Gates as well as all his other wrappings, this installation will be permanent. And unlike Christo's previous installations, this one will not be funded by his foundation, but rather by Congress, which will maintain it in perpetuity.

Diana Vreeland applauded the U.S. House of Representatives and the Senate's speedy action, saying "This represents the best example of bureaucratic taste and collegiality. I applaud Congress' swift action in awarding the project to Christo. This will be a beacon, setting world standards for taste. I understand the fabric color is going to be based on Jean Claude's hair color. It's brilliant, darling."

Diana Vreeland has been called the 20th century's greatest arbiter of fence fabric choices, by the editors of both Harper's Bazaar and Vogue.

What is both most intriguing and ironic, is that The Fence will provide good wages and steady employment for Mexican citizens, on both sides of the border. Additionally, in order to quell Mexican President Fox's objections to this fence, the fabric will be made exclusively in Mexican plants. All steel parts, from frames to rigging, will come from steel plants on the U.S. side of the border, but will have all finishing stages of manufacturing done by maquiladora factories in Juarez.

Taking all aspects of the project into consideration, The Fence will be providing continual employment for the next one hundred years.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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