Strauss-Kahn Returns to IMF, Receives Applause

Funny story written by Nash D. Plott

Tuesday, 30 August 2011


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Dominique Strauss-Kahn apologized to the staff of the IMF in a visit to the institution on Monday and was greeted with warm applause.

Strauss-Kahn, who was recently acquitted of sexual assault by a New York court, returned to France last Friday. The New York crowd saw him off, with about a thousand New Yorkers giving him traditional Bronx cheers as he boarded the aircraft. Strauss-Kahn's New York ordeal has now reached a final conclusion, with the exception of the towel that he was wearing as he emerged from the shower of the New York hotel which still has 15 days remaining on E-Bay.

The IMF was divided on the issue of how to handle Strauss-Kahn's sudden fall from grace. While Strauss-Kahn's financial acumen and expertise in running the IMF has never been in question, it was quickly realized that his continued role as chairman of the IMF was no longer tenable. In the words of successor Christine Lagarde, "in this business deals are concluded with a handshake and nobody feels comfortable performing that act with Mr. Strauss-Kahn any more, now that we know where that hand has been.

Reactions at the IMF were mixed. According to one attendee who wishes to remain anonymous, "We were not applauding because he has returned, for in fact he has not returned - he has been replaced. We were applauding because the indictment had Mr. Strauss-Kahn emerging from the shower. Do you have any idea what a breakthrough that was for him? In fact we had never before heard of him ever taking one".

Mr. Strauss-Kahn's future remains undecided. Once considered to be the the heir apparent to the French presidency it is generally agreed that his political career has ended, although the example of Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi suggests that this may not necessarily be the case. Political analysts agree that the key to Strauss-Kahn's political resurrection is to dress up the maid. According to one unnamed source, "If the maid that he allegedly assaulted had been young or stunningly beautiful then the incident would have actually improved his chance for election in France. As it is, the somewhat dowdy and unglamorous middle aged woman makes him look pathetic. If he cannot molest a much higher class of woman then he is clearly unfit to be president. If we can convince the woman to lose a little weight and have a nose job, then he may still be politically viable. Time will tell".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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