Heaven's celestial scribe revealed via his Twitter feed, DaMetatron, that 24 Jews that ascended into Heaven during May 21st's Rapture were banished for scalping bogus tickets for what they characterized as "Seats Close To God".
"They're in here by the skin of their teeth and then f--k up this bad?" said Metatron, the highest of the angels, who also runs NotATransformer.web, via Twitter. "#PwnedByGod."
"Look, there are no bad seats in Heaven. The acoustics are fantastic," said Jesus Christ on Piers Morgan Tonight, which is being hosted by recently revealed Megademon Nancy Grace. "The Jews are only in here because my dad promised them, and they are up to shenanigans like this?"
"BTW, Jews: Thanks for crucifying me, you a--holes. That hurt!"