Japanese Quake Causes Spike In Work "Sickies"

Funny story written by Ellis Ian Fields

Friday, 18 March 2011

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Wheee!

Employers around the world have been reporting increases in staff absences due to illness this week - and the Japanese earthquake is to blame, say experts.

Boffins reckon that the huge quake last Friday shifted the Earth on its axis by 6.5 inches.

It also made the planet rotate faster, shortening the day by about 1.8 millionths of a second.

Dr William Pear, of the Institute of Really Heavy Science, said: "I'm not surprised people are feeling ill following the quake.

"According to industry and business bosses, people have been complaining of dizziness and sickness. These are clearly symptoms of the planet speeding up.

"Some of us are better equipped in the inner ear department to cope with spinning round quickly, but others are more sensitive and will suffer from upset stomachs and the like.

"The symptoms will pass as they grow accostomed the Earth's new speed."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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