Egypt's Hosni Mubarak Actually Found To Be Bela Lugosi In Disguise!

Written by Anan E Maus

Friday, 11 February 2011

CAIRO, Egypt - Embattled Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak, fleeing the hordes of anti-government protesters that lined the streets of the capital, was stopped at the border by Egyptian border patrol guards.

Most supporters of the now-faltering government, who escorted him to a ship on the Mediterranean, bound to take him away, perhaps to Switzerland, long known for it's diplomatic immunity and general neutrality. However, the ship was intercepted by several Hollywood enthusiants and Dracula film buffs, who had come to Egypt based on the comparison of photographs of Mubarak and the actor most famous for his portrayal of Dracula, Bela Lugosi, and the fact that the two bore a very striking resemblance to one another. A resemblance too similar and intense to be coincidental.

The leader of the group, calling themselves The Liberation Front For The Revelation To The World of Mubarak Being Bela Lugosi (or the LFFTRWMBBL), captured the swiftly running Mubarak by diving on and pinning him and then the other members of the LFFTRWMBBL gathered round and held Mubarak down while they placed Lugosi's famous Dracula cape, stolen just a few days ago from the Holly wood Museum of Cinematic Costumes and Memorabilia, on his writhing form.

Then they sat him up and slapped him a few times and handed him a copy of the script of "Dracula" opened to a page on which was written one of Dracula's many lines.

He was commanded to read, while troops and guards assigned to protect the flanks and rear of the President ran up, guns at high port, themselves intrigued by this display and by the resemblance of Mubarak to Lugosi-thus, they permitted the confirmatory demonstration to continue.

To tears and shouts of "Shut up, you big Hungarian expatriate baby!", Mubarak read the lines. Sadly, there was no real similarity in his voice to that of Lugosi's.

At first the members of the LFFTRWMBBL were disheartened and crestfallen, and began to slink away from the still-weeping form of the President, still holding the copy of the script in his hand, when at last one of them realized that they had been making him speak the lines in the Egyptian accent he always used as President, not the Hungarian one that Lugosi would have used! Soon, they had the President reading the lines again, this time essentially forcing him to attempt an Hungarian accent.

And, success! The voice were the same! This was all the proof the Americans (the members of the LFFTRWMBBL) needed.

They quickly gathered up the still-sobbing, shocked Mubarak, who protested through his tears and fury that he often imitated Dracula/Lugosi at many state dinners and family parties and other such diplomatic, familial or ambassadorial soirees and functions.

Of course, these patent lies were ignored by the Americans, and with the help of the flabbergasted but still helpful Egyptian guards-who now believed that their leader was in fact the actor most famous for his portrayal of Dracula-he was loaded onto the American vessel, for shipment to and exhibition in America.

The leader of the LFFTRWMBBL, one John Regan, said: "At last, we've found him and no longer will I and the members of this group be the laughingstock of America in general and Hollywood in particular.

Truly, Bela Lugosi is still alive and we have him right here!" Upon arriving in New York Harbor, Mr. Lugosi (a man of about 129 years of age) will be arrested and forced to pay the years of backtaxes that he owes to the government, having owed them ever since he faked his death in 1956-about 55 years worth of unpaid taxes!

The staggering bill on the backtaxes of his mansion located on Mulholland Drive in Los Angeles is rumored to be in excess of two million dollars alone!

The President (Barack, not Mubarak) will be on hand at the public arrest of this scoundrel and hack-actor and imposter to scold him and administer a good, sound thrashing to him, even though Lugosi's bones are old and brittle.

Of course, many will no doubt ask (or force) the deposed, expatriate President/actor to quote various lines from the "Dracula" script.

Meanwhile, the City of Los Angeles has plans to knock over it's statue of Bela Lugosi, in an angry gesture aimed at the heinous crimes of faking one's death, putting America, and then Egypt on for dozens of years, and not paying property and income taxes.

It has not been decided yet whether Mubarak/Lugosi will be forced to wear his signature cape in prison, or whether he will be forever stripped of it-his own claim to fame...other than this 30 year long hoax of ruling Egypt, that is!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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