Snot and Vitamin C, the breakfast of Champions!

Funny story written by Gabhan O'Buachalla

Thursday, 25 November 2010

image for Snot and Vitamin C, the breakfast of Champions!
Discovery will change eating habits

The global conspiracy behind the financial crisis has been uncovered in Ireland.

A scientific discovery that threatens governments, pharmaceuticals,insurance companies and civilization itself has been revealed.

Dr. Mu O'Cus, a stressed out research scientist from University of Limerick explains

"I was investigating the purpose of the philtrum - those two vertical lines on the upper lip beneath the nose.

When breathing, an area of low pressure is created in the infranasal depression, resulting in distillation column along the philtrum. Biotin and Antigens are then subject to affinity chromatography along the upperlip. This acts as a biofilter, so by the time bugs in mucus get ingested they are in weakened form

Snot is essentially natures antibiotic, pharmaceutical companies spend billions isolating and weakening harmful bacteria before packaging them up into an antibiotic to kickstart the immune system. A lump of snot is more effective, it contains the exact antigens the human needs when exposed to environmental bacteria

Why is Pharmaceutical industry trying to shut me up 'Because you can't Patent Snot'

Notice if you go to the Chemist they give you free vitamin C tablets with the anti viral cold spray?

It's the vitamin C that does the work but they can't patent a Vitamin, so they come up with a well marketed decoy spray to make their money on.

In the 1950's Intravenous vitamin C was a proven anti-viral by two times Nobel Prize winner Linus Pauling but the Pharmaceutical Industry shut him up by injecting him with polonium.

The IMF and EU came to Ireland last week to shut me up, they can feck off...I've put my research already on wikileaks and 'the spoof' website

Governments can save billions by dropping the Pharmaceutical decoy drugs and implementing SIVC Medicine (Snot & Intravenous Vitamin C) within the healthcare system.

The IMF fear this would collapse the economy. The knock on effect is insurance companies will fail, as who would spend $1000's a year on medical insurance when a lump of snot would do?

With everyone living longer the soverign pension funds of governments would go bust and the resulting population explosion would cause world chaos.

The IMF and the G7 pleaded with me to keep quiet until they released a technology solution to prevent the global population explosion that would ensue after the life extending snot cure.

They had Steve Jobs on the case, he planned to introduce copulation replacement devices such as the Apple iHole for men and the Apple iStick for women....a pornographic based product of the information age to reduce the human birth rate.

I tried the Apple iHole but it was crashed alot when my hand covered the antenna.

I just couldn't let the faith of humanity rely on the stability of an Apple product, so I decided to blow the whistle and collapse the entire global economic system!

Feck 'em

Snot and Vitamin C, the breakfast of Champions!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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