Moscow - (Frozen Ass Mess): Sadly, nobody will now ever know if naked rhythmic contortionist Ms Alina Kabayeva would have been seen performing the Lust Tango in Paris in it.
The long expected warts and all expo-say of Ludmila and Vlad 'the Impala' Putin's marriage had, however, gripped the Kremlin's scrotum like a drunken Brazilian waxing ho on mescalin.
And that was just the easy bit.
In Moscow last weekend the Putins' relationship therapisst was finally laid to rest after being discovered impaled by a spear of 'blue ice' that ditched from President Dim-Eatery Medvedev's air force runabout.
Maleus Maleficarum was 69.
A long and dishonorable career counselling relatives of cold war bastards like Joseph Stalin saw him minister to Vlad and Ludy's marriage during the crisis years of of 1983 to 2009.
Now it's all over and the Putins are still an item, grinning feebly in the latest Kremlin PR exercise promoting the cute 'n' cuddly aspect of their marriage.
'Natural causes' is the official entry on Mr M's death certificate.