Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to take you back to a time when massive 35ft penguins roamed the Earth. A time when civilisation wasn't as civilised as it is today (try saying that with a straight face). A timezone John Williams hasn't composed a piece for yet.
Welcome to Antartic Park.
Recent fossil evidence in Peru suggests that after the dinosaurs had been pounded by a meteor/ driven mad by flu/ hidden from Stephen Speilburg, the Age of the Penguins descended.
Massive 35 foot penguins would descend on the primitive people, often seen bothering fishermen and yelling "Dinsdale!" in the tribal camps.
The massive black and white creatures were thought to have been fossilised when the creatures, known individually as "Icy Normans", decided their time had come.
Recent critics have come out and slammed these reports. Ed Jackson of the Christian Society has said "Duh, these penguins can't have roamed the Earth because the Earth was only created 4,000 years ago. Those fossils are clearly made of plasticine or something!"
Ricky Smalljohn of the Biological Head Council of the World disagreed, stating "It is perfectly possible for penguins known as Icy Normans to roam the Earth. In fact, modern day penguins are probably the result of the massive penguins becoming involved in a shrinking-ray accident,"
More on this as it comes.