"Our old people are dropping like flies this weekend," claims Don Doodie, Ombudsman for the Department of Aging Americans, after learning that Glenn Beck is seriously considering running with Sarah Palin in the 2012 elections. Reports are coming in from retirement centers and old folks' homes all over America of an increased incidence of strokes and heart failure upon learning this news. And they are thanking God for the Medicare system that's in place to pay for the upsurge in medical emergencies.
May Hollering of Bethesda, Maryland owns a private senior housing center on the outskirts of town and she indicated that this weekend alone, there were twelve incidences of heart-related emergencies directly following a newscast on Fox News reporting that Sarah Palin and Glenn Beck may be considering a run for the presidency. While the newscast did not give details as to who would be running for President, be it Beck or Palin, the news of the combined ticket was enough to send the senior population into a tailspin.
Edna Branswallower was one of the older residents at Hollering's center and had this to say as she was being wheeled into the emergency room with chest pains, "Oh, I think I'll survive ok; I've been through worse news I guess. Like back in the day when Richard Nixon was voted in as President. Now that was a knuckle twister, if I ever saw one."
Miss Branswallower says just the shock of this latest news "kinda hit me the wrong way. As soon as they give me some nitro and put me on the oxygen for awhile, I'll be good to go, but gosh, that kinda news at our age just isn't fair play as far as I'm concerned. I'm starting to wonder about Fox News and their fair and balanced reporting, but that's all we can get on the little black and white t.v. they have set up in the recreation area."
While it's not certain exactly why this particular bit of news has hit the seniors so hard, most doctors believe it's the fact that they rely so heavily on the nation's Medicare and Social Security systems and they believe that the Beck/Palin team will be the ones who finally get rid of all those "entitlements" that Beck believes they are not entitled to. Said Miss Branswallower, "I like it here at May's place, but I have to tell you, if she wasn't getting my SS check every month and making me sign it over to her, I don't think I'd have any place to go. I'm no rocket scientist (anymore-she used to be a rocket scientist up to the age of 63), but I can tell you that without that SS money, we'd all be out on our patooties."