Men To be Abolished By 2013

Funny story written by Nick Hobbs

Wednesday, 25 August 2010


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Facing the proverbial firing squad. Could men be a thing of the past?

Have you watched the television recently? I mean really watched it? Actually taken notice of what the adverts are implying? Not just what they're selling you, but the way in which they put their point across?

I have, and I have noticed an extremely strong trend of sexism towards men. Men are always portrayed as the weaker or dumber individual in adverts. They are portrayed as annoying, disgusting or stupid. The women have taken the role of the stronger, more intelligent race.

Well it appears this is not some accident, or some way of redressing the balance for years of inequality against womankind. Oh no, this reporter has been passed a top secret dossier on how the new coalition government is planning to 'ban the man'.

All men are to be outlawed by 2013, they still need us for the Olympics it would seem, but after that we're done for.
Women are already the dominant sex in all walks of life, but it seems that newly proposed laws will take their leadership to new heights.

'No comment' was the only quote I recieved, time and again, when I hung around outside the Houses of Parliament, earlier today. But don't forget, this story was never meant to break.

The leaked document detailed the intended strategy for TMR, or Total Male Removal, beginning with the undermining of basic male feelings, which in turn will destabilise the male/female base ratio. The female dominance in adverts and on film is a subliminal start to the proceedings.

If we, as men, see ourselves being treated like dirt every night on our televisions, then when phase 2 begins, it will not seem such a shock to the system.

Phase 2 is to begin breeding us out of existence. This is why, in virtually every television soap you can think of, there is now a token homosexual relationship.

This is simply done to convince the masses that it is a convenient life choice, and we will then not notice the rapid decline in new born children. Women will be taught about lesbianism so that they will feel comfortable and more readily equipped to seek out new company, when us men are finally no more.

Phase 3 was partially unreadable, as I spilt some coffee on it, but it said something about Queen Navratilova and Prime Minister Greer. I think we can draw our own conclusions from that.

It is unclear from the report what will actually happen to those of us still in existence come the final day, as I dropped my kebab on the rest of it, but I'm sure it's not going to be pretty.

The reasoning behind the coalitions strategy is a simple one of equality. Mr Cameron and Mr Clegg wish to come across as so PC that they are prepared to take a proverbial (or maybe not-so proverbial) bullet to get their message across, and win support from the anti-sexism and feminist groups.

What is clear is that come the day it'll be a Woman's, Woman's, Woman's World, and there'll be nothing, nothing, like a man or a boy. Ever again.

Next time you see the adverts starting, just watch. You'll see what I mean. We're all doomed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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