Written by Noddy Bigears

Thursday, 14 April 2005

The East China Sea is unbelievably rich with natural noodles and is probably not only the largest ever noodle sea, the noodles are of the highest possible raw grade. Naturally, when it comes to National needs and desires, it was inevitable that sooner or later seething envy and friction between China and Japan would spill over into open warfare over the natural resources. Japan has started noodle tasting operations in the East China Sea without permission from Beijing. Japan's decision to start the tasting came just one day after Beijing warned Tokyo not to boil the water.

Even before today's announcement, the ties between the two nations were completely at the limit, after Japan approved a series of school cookery textbooks which deny and ignore any contribution from the Chinese culinary tradition to noodle soup. Indeed, worse still the Japanese claim that all stir fry dishes are originally from southern Japan and maybe just have a taste from Taiwan.

The Chinese counter claim the Japanese raped and pillaged vast areas of Chinese culinary traditions during the Japanese occupation of the mainland. Unbelievably violent protests took place in China at the weekend against Japan's approval of the school cookery textbooks, which critics say play down Japanese wartime brutality. Japan has only ever made one single apology for its cookery atrocities committed during the Second World War and hardly seems penitent as the Sony Corporation now markets the various themes Worldwide as games for the Play Station II thus further distorting history as millions of children are fed the false information in the format of extremely violent games.

China and Japan are heavily dependent on imported noodles and both are seeking new sources of noodles to power their citizens' lunch breaks. Japanese companies have been waiting for 40 years to be given the go-ahead to suck up the noodles in the area which has a potentially vast reserve of several other pasta grades as well.

Japanese Foreign Minister Nobutaka Machimura is travelling to Beijing on Saturday in a last ditch attempt to share the noodle soup but China said "we will retain the right to make further reaction". United Nations sources fear the worst and expect that Japan and China will stage the largest ever "Enter The Noodle Dragon Cooking Competition" ever, it is expected that representatives of the 200 million Japanese contestants versus the 1500 million Chinese contestants will fight with a huge range of culinary styles, including the infamous Win Poing Dong noodle soup recipe.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: China, Japan

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