So far, information regarding Anna Chapman - arrested this week in the USA on Espionage charges - has been sketchy at best. Which is pretty much what you'd expect from a spy.
Here at Skoob News, we have managed to establish that she was born in Russia, obtained a degree from a Moscow university, that she ran a successful real estate company, that she married an Englishman, worked in the UK, went to the USA, mixed with New York high society, became a spy, got arrested, and had her face plastered all over the front pages of the world's press this morning.
Oh, and she's a bit ginger.
It is understood that Chapman was a component in a Russian spy ring, tasked with extracting information about, and where possible influencing policy decisions in Washington DC.
But quite frankly, the most interesting aspect of this breaking news is that she appears to be a bit horny, which means she'll never have to work again, and will in all probability mean she'll be splashed all over the media for some time to come.
But what exactly do spies do? To find out, we contacted our diplomatic correspondent, Buffty Ginslinger, who told us from his Soho hangout, as he quaffed a G&T and puffed on a Havana cigar:
"They drive about in flash cars, spies do. And they have guns and secret weapons, like retractable knife blades in their shoes. They like packages too. They're always exchanging packages in exotic locations and making getaways in helicopters. That and lots of sex with beautiful people. That's what spies do. Mainly."
Sexy spies and exotic locations - pure gold.
More as we get it.
