US In New Global Domination Bid

Funny story written by P Turton

Tuesday, 1 July 2003

image for US In New Global Domination Bid
Giant cat, like on that email I got

The United States of America today revealed the next scary stage in it's plan for global domination.

Codenamed Falcon, Force Application and Launch from the Continental US, this new weapons system would allow Americans to bomb any nation in the world without their pilots even having to
get out of bed.

US military scientists are working on giant supersonic drone planes capable of flying over 9000 miles to targets and disposable rocket planes to drop big bombs on small countries from space.

The plan was greenlighted by congress following difficulties in generating support amongst allies to join in the recent Iraqi conflict, Gulf War 2: Enduring Freedom.

With ultra long range bombers taking off from US soil there will be no need to bother organising allies and pacifying objections.

"If Frenchie don't like it, then tough titties." said Pentagon Spokesgeneral Orville W. Scheissenpooper before smacking his fist into his palm and adding "They'd better watch it."

The plan is to drop unpowered, non-nuclear, thousand pound bombs from space. Speed generated through freefall would magnify the bombs effect to a ridiculous degree. "Big baddaboom!" was all one scientist had to say on the matter.

Conventional explosives would not even be required revealed the military, when confronted with fears about dangerous explosives flying willy-nilly through the air.

"A kitten dropped from space would be enough to take out a bunker" said General Scheissenpooper "Think of what we could do with a thousand strategically targetted kittens or maybe one giant cat, like on that email I got!"

With US Army deaths proving unpopular in the otherwise well received conflict it is also hoped that keeping military personnel at home and sending robot planes instead will prove a winner for the Bush Reich.

"Falcon will allow us to deliver maximum whupp-ass to anywhere in the world with minimum risk to US troops" said Scheissenpooper excitedly, grinning like a small neo-imperialist child.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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