Written by Noddy Bigears

Tuesday, 15 March 2005

-Lost Far From The Maddening Crowds In Pakistan?

The British Government security forces have pulled all the stops out to end the total farce of the Charles and Camilla Wedding and have captured support from Pakistani President Musharraf. Charles and Camilla are very famous actors from the loved and admired TV Soap opera ‘West Enders' based in West London, UK. The endless story of intrigue, intense emotional betrayal, financial abuse, brilliantly shot car action scenes and blatant dishonesty has been running for over 30 years non stop. Not surprisingly, when the ultra-famous actors became known as a couple and then announced their marriage, it was bound to be a nightmare to protect their private love life from the likes of the evil despicable media moguls desperate to probe their inner most secrets, emotions and private details and spoil their lives all over the World.

Very little is known about the couples private life as they have a huge number of security trip ups to fool the mass media and it is very rare than any photographer can accurately catch a picture of somebody hiding in the boot of a car or indeed, are they actually in there at all? In addition, it is considered difficult and bad taste in the UK to record private telephone calls and only the highest levels of Government can authorise this activity and release it publically. Subsequently, there is virtually no evidence of them having ever met in private and all we know about them is the daily public live television transmission lasting just under an hour when they reveal everything in this best loved brilliant British Soap Opera and slapstick humour.

The unprecedented security operation to prevent the wedding of Charles and Camilla from being gate-crashed by plebs and other UK taxpayers will be easily achieved by using the Pakistani based Osma Bin Laden Security Group Inc. Their unbeaten record of never leaving a trail for others to follow will exceed all the special security requirements and in addition, President Osma Bin Laden is a lay priest in his spare time, further enhancing the top secrecy for this very special Church service to be held somewhere in the Pakistani mountains although Osma confirmed that this would be his first Catholic couple and so he hoped not to make a total and utter farce of their marriage service. He added "It is really sad when so many couples just shack up and live with each other without any regard for any of the most fundamental spiritual aspects of marriage. Here we have a special couple and we do not want anybody to make fools of themselves in the act of their own marriage."

A spokesman for the Church of England confirmed that they had a history of serious discontent amongst their ranks regarding the marriages of famous actors and it was unlikely that they could easily recruit any of their flock to use the required discretion necessary in this famous marital case and that it was almost certain that one of their idiots would ‘blabber something objectionable' to Reuters, CNN, BBC, The Times Newspaper or one of those really awfully nasty gutter gossip magazines such as The Windsor Guildhall Registry Office thus certainly ruining the special day for the couple.

However, the Supreme Governor of the Church of England released a press statement defending the record of marrying actors from the TV Soap opera ‘West Enders' and said that virtually all the marriages had been a fantastic success apart from one case when unfortunately, there was a totally unbelievable car crash, another involving fundamentally incompatible characters and several others had not really worked out either but overall this was not worse than the UK national average of fidelity between the Yorkshire breed of Little White Bearded goats.

The marriage in the mountains will be followed by celebrations including chapattis, fermented rancid goats milk and aerial fireworks have been especially booked with President Musharrafs' National Pakistani Fireworks Forces. The happy couple will then just escape through the mountain passes for a 2 week honeymoon in sunny Afghanistan.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Pakistan, Camilla

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