Written by Mark Percival

Monday, 31 May 2010

image for Israeli PM regrets deaths on Aid Ships
Aid Ship boarded by Israeli Troops

Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu has expressed regret after at least nine people died when troops stormed ships attempting to break through the Gaza blockade.

He stated that the troops were met by viscious threats, and therefore acted in self defence. One aid worker intimated that they would all run to one side of the ship, thereby running the risk that it may capsize; he said that this displayed an unacceptable level of verbal violence from the ships crew.

PM Netanyahu was also keen to point out that the ships were carrying 10,000 tonnes of aid from Cyprus, and because of the point of origin it was likley that there would be a substantial amount of citrus fruits on board. He feared that this may have been used by Hamas in acid attacks against Israeli troops.

UN chief Ban Ki-moon said he was "shocked" and called for an immediate refrigeration of all food stocks on the flotilla, fearing it would go off whilst people were busy apportioning blame. He has confirmed that Ocado, the home delivery arm of Waitrose, have agreed to send two delivery vans in a desperate bid to preserve foodstuffs on board.

Israel says it allows about 15,000 tonnes of humanitarian aid into Gaza every week, and has confirmed rumours that it would be prepared to consider an increase in this level, if their request for a loyalty points card from the Suppliers could be met. It is thought that this demand is driven afetr bullying from the PM's wife - Sara Netanyahu.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Israeli

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