Written by Stu B

Tuesday, 8 February 2005

image for Pope Idol 2005
Front Runner Hanks

With the hints made by the Vatican today of the potential retirement of Pope John Paul due to his numerous health problems, the council of senior cardinals announced a new Papal selection process to be launched this year.

Gone will be the locked rooms and furtive tactical voting followed by white smoke emerging from the roof. This time round the whole process will be aired on Fox Network and will be open to all.

Simon Cowell has signed up to join the panel along with a surprise panelist Reverend Moon. Panelists will be auditioned in a major capital city of each participating country and the final, scheduled as the season highlight of Fox's Fall roll out, will be an all singing and dancing spectacular aired live over three nights from Vatican City Hotel, Las Vegas.

The recent super hotel complex that is nearing completion ready for the summer season won the bidding war for the location fighting off the real Vatican City due to the Hotels St Peters square being three times larger, covered, having ample parking and sufficient concession stand for hot dogs and holy Dasani water.

The complex has already installed an animatronic Pope in the balcony and it's owners are said to be concerned at the cost of redesign of the robot if the current Papal likeness becomes out of date.

Tom Hanks is tipped to succeed Pope John Paul as Pope if he decides to run and assuming he completes filming of the movie version of the best-selling novel "The Da Vinci Code" prior to the current Pontiffs sad demise or retirement..

The double-Oscar winner who is currently playing symbologist Robert Langdon in the film adapted from Dan Brown's book is widely expected to sweep the phone vote but the big question is wheteher he will get past the judges, whose job it will be to whittle the expected millions of candidates down to a few hundred.

"Personally, I think that we need someone younger this time round" commented Cowell from his yacht in the Med today " I think the teenage vote will be a very strong in this and I certainly see Gareth Gates making a comeback for this one"

What name the newly elected Pope would choose may not be up to them as a sponsorship deal rumored in some circles could see the first Pope Ronald.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Pope, Health

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