New Pacific Island Created Out Of Litter - US Invades

Funny story written by rfreed

Friday, 26 February 2010

image for New Pacific Island Created Out Of Litter - US Invades
An experimental model of what will become the worlds largest man made island.

Entrepreneurs are jumping on the new opportunity developing in the middle of the Pacific. The multi national realty conglomerate Glutton Realty has purchased the entity known as the Great Pacific Garbage Patch and is turning it into a new mega-island complete with acreage to buy at astronomical prices.

The Great Pacific Garbage Patch is a huge mass of churning waste pollution caught up in the confluence of several oceanic tides that has accumulated in the middle of the earths greatest ocean (This is true- Google it in for validation). This swirl of swill is created by all the trash and junk discarded by millions of cruise ships, boaters, surfers, beach dwellers and other ocean travelers throughout the Pacific. Their refuse has congealed into a huge mass of plastic, paper, wood pieces and other debris the size and consistency of Texas.

Glutton Realty, seeing an opportunity where no one else did, hired cargo ships to carry dirt, cement and foundation rebar out to the middle of the mass to start building what has become the world's largest man-made island. As soon as the basic foundation is complete, tropical trees and plants will be bought in and given root. Hotels, restaurants and homes will be built and then leased to the highest bidders. Prices on acreage on this Shangri-La will run around $500,000 an acre. Needless to say, it will become a playground for the rich. Interestingly, Glutton Reality is a subsidiary of Yuppies Afloat, one of the major cruise ship companies that helped create the patch by dumping on an average 8 tons of refuse in the water a week.

Pacific rim nations are questioning what the sovereignty of the new island nation should be. The U.S., Japan, China and Australia are all claiming rights to the new land. Glutton Realty, however, maintains that since no one claimed responsibility for the polluted swill before hand that no one has rights to the new island once it is finished.

Glutton has decreed that the new land will be called New McDonaldland after the most abundant form of trash found in the Garbage Patch. Coca-cola, Pepsi and Baggies companies are all suing over naming rights claiming that their products also make up a sizable amount of the trash.

Update - The U.S. military attacked and seized control of New McDonaldland when it was realized that it sat directly over abundant deep sea oil reserves. General Bringem N. Dead has declared that the U.S. needs the island for military defense because of its strategic location. Glutton Reality is protesting the move and is taking its case to the UN. The U.S. has offered them bailout funds if they drop the case and comply.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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