The Pope has slammed airport body scanners after a crucifix was confiscated at Knock airport.
A statement read by Father Stig O'Treacy, a Vatican aid, said "His holiness, the Pope, strongly objects to his most secret parts being on display to all but the closest of aides. Further, he believes that children should only be seen naked by their parents and the local Bishop. The new scanners are most definitely a sin. He does not want them installed at the Vatican, unless he can use them for his own personal use."
Head of security at Knock airport, Smelly O'Toole, said "We regret this misunderstanding and we did allow the extra litre of Vodka that his holiness tried to smuggle through."
Scanners are being installed across the world and perverts are rushing to fill security vacancies. Many are thought to be former members of the clergy.
