Osama Bin Laden Seen On Video in Airport

Funny story written by Ken Markdale

Monday, 25 January 2010

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Tell cousin Raghidah her halal lahma dhani was delicious

Osama Bin Laden (OBL) was allegedly seen over the weekend on a security video at an International Airport. Security officials refuse to comment but confirms it is investigating OBL sightings on Sunday.

According to the CIA, the tipoff came in the latest Osama Bin Laden (OBL) audio tape praising the Detroit airline bomber. When the tape is played backwards, the CIA confirms that it contains a private message in Arabic that was just posted on OBL's Facebook page. Unfortunately, OBL's Facebook page is private-for friends and family only-and the CIA has been unable to access the page in its own investigation to date.

An OBL family member living in suburban Virginia reports that OBL missed family and friends living in the United States and finally saw an opportunity for a visit. "With the Obama administration's decision to treat international terrorists like ordinary criminals," said Mustafa Bin Al Bin Laden, a distant cousin of the mass murderer, "Osama made a last minute decision to travel to the U.S. to consult with his attorneys here and to visit family."

"He just figured that even if he was arrested in the U.S.," said Mustafa, "Osama would prefer the accommodations at a federal prison over his mud hut in Western Pakistan; and he'd also have a chance at a 'show trial' to relive his greatest terrorist triumph."

When asked if OBL was surprised that he wasn't recognized and arrested at the airport, Mustafa offered the following information from his personal review of the audio tape posted on OBL's Facebook page: "Osama was annoyed that he had to wait in line seemingly forever due to security delays because of an unattended briefcase. However, he was pleased that he was not 'profiled' for his beard and his traditional Arabic attire [reportedly, full robes]. Osama also says that he felt sorry for the old woman from Nebraska that was strip-searched ahead of him because of her metal-framed walker."

Security authorities declined comment on this story but the officials privately confirmed that OBL can be seen on a security video. These officials also privately said that various security videos show OBL buying an Arabic newspaper, doing his afternoon prayers on a rug at his gate and spray-painting a graffiti message in a restroom reputedly saying "death to infidels". But th officials were also quick to add that the graffiti was in Arabic, so it wasn't translated by Lebanese janitors until long after OBL's flight departed.

In response to this shocking news, President Obama has called for a thorough "top down" investigation of current security measures at all U.S. airports. He will also appoint a panel of experts to come up with new standards that would avoid such publicly embarrassing events in the future.

When an Administration spokesman was asked if it is time to begin "profiling" as a security tool, the spokesman responded angrily, "This is America! We don't torture; we don't water board; and we certainly don't profile-except for drug traffickers, because they're usually Hispanic and nobody seems to care."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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