Pirates have attacked an oil-tanker off the coast of Benin (where the f**k is that?) and long-lost (very lost!) actor, Johnny Depp was sighted swinging from mast to mast with a parrot on his shoulder called Sweeney Todd.
A lá Errol Flynn, Johnny was swashbuckling dressed in his thigh high boots, dashing long hair, gold teeth, earrings and running mascara!
The Somalian pirates were astounded how fit Johnny was and cheered loudly as he made the captain of the kidnapped oil-tanker walk the plank and jump into shark-infested Ocean.
Johnny made only a short guest appearance because he is too busy playing the MAD-HATTER (very fucking mad) in Alice in Wonderland.
The pirates waved as Johnny left them in his private SEA-PLANE, as for the captain, the sharks obviously didn't like the smell of his urine-stained pants and spat them out.
The US Marines are searching for the rest and Johnny!