Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

image for Ode to the Big Shoppe
Not unlike Tang Hua Seng

You are my refuge, my Big Shoppe,
You save my life, ev'ry day,
When I dither in your car park,
Trying to decide what to eat today -
You show me the way,
To the supermarket,
In your basement underbelly.

Oh, the aisles! There are so many!
And plentifully stocked,
But the locals and their trolleys,
Keep them permanently blocked -
You show me the way,
To an empty till,
Where a girl eagerly awaits my cash.

And when I'm dying for a wee,
You're there for me, once more,
Not enough can I thank thee,
For those bogs on the second floor -
You show me the way,
To the urinals,
And prevent me pissing my underpants.

Yea, mighty Tang Hua Seng!
You are the Queen of Shoppes!
From 10 'til 9 you hustle,
And the bustle never stops -
You show me the way,
To avert my boredom,
By making me traipse endlessly around your menswear, sports and electrical departments.

O, shining beacon, guiding light!
What facilities thou dost bestow!
With Driving Range up above,
And Food Center down below -
You show me the way,
And give me a reason to carry on living,
So that I can spend more money there tomorrow.

Woods 2009

The above poem is a tribute to the amazing Tang Hua Seng department store on Sirindhorn Road in Bangkok. It can be sung to the tune of Happy Birthday if so desired. Or not, it's up to you.

I think I'm going/have gone mad.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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