Climategate riots erupt in Copenhagen

Funny story written by Helen Tarnation

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

image for Climategate riots erupt in Copenhagen
Burning cars protest global warming

Riots have broken out in Copenhagen, Denmark during international discussions regarding how to solve the global crisis of incessant warming and tragic weather events.

Police have rounded up approximately 8,500 protesters and placed them in detention in a vacant beer warehouse that was prepared to hold violent agitators.

"Where's the beer?" asked one protester. "They said there would be beer here. I want to go home."

Another protester, arrested for torching the BMWs, VWs, Porsches and Audis parked outside the conference facility, appeared bewildered. "Isn't this France?" he asked. "It doesn't seem like France, because the weed here tastes funny. But it's still a good buzz. Do you have any snack food?"

One protester moaned at her plight: "Here I am in this stinking warehouse with a bunch of lunatic losers, and they're all breathing CO2 all over me", she said.

"After this, I'm more convinced than ever that CO2 is pollution", she added. "These people haven't had a bath in months."

Even as cars burned in the streets of Copenhagen, and bricks flew through the windows of fast-food restaurants (promptly raided by protesters with 'the munchies'), the situation inside the conference facility became dire.

Amid howls of 'denier', 'heretic', 'shill', 'hacker', and 'Al Gore was right', the delegates from 192 nations fell upon each other in a turgid mass. Wailing and bloodied, they tore into each other with bare fingers, or bludgeoned each other with chairs, vases, and anything else they could lay their hands upon.

"After two decades, we finally have a public debate on global warming", said one observer. "When things finally come down to 'direct action', as we see before us, it's apparent that world leaders have finally determined to reach a conclusion."

The observer had nothing else to add, as he was promptly felled after his brief statement by a blow to the head apparently inflicted by a hand-carved statue of Gaia.

The international delegates who remained conscious after the incident were conveyed to the same beer warehouse where the street protesters were housed.

"Where's the beer?" asked one delegate. "The sign outside says they have beer here."

"Do you have any weed?" asked another delegate.

Shortly thereafter, a riot broke out in the beer warehouse itself, and after the fracas, those not taken to the hospital were arrested all over again.

"This public debate is apparently fun for some, and not for others", said a paramedic at the scene. "But when they bring this much energy to the debate, something's bound to be decided."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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