Aliens Suspect Al Gore in Atlantis Disaster

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Monday, 30 November 2009

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ROSWELL, NM - Ancient legends portray Atlantis as a continent with an advanced civilization with wonders and technology that surpass the wildest imagination of the 20th century. The mysteries of Atlantis are often associated with mysteries such as the Nazca Lines in Peru, and the Mayan calendar with its amazing correlation to Earth's period of galactic precession (23,000 years).

When Atlantis "sank beneath the waves," travelers throughout the galaxy were absolutely shocked. Atlantis was an alien creation, as artificial as Disneyworld, marketed with "Visit Atlantis - the most exotic, savage, and wondrous planetary expedition in the Milky Way."

For thousands upon thousands of years, the sunken continent was regarded as the result of an accident. However, recent strained relationships between the CIA and the legislative branch of the US government have resulted in "leaks" concerning the use of Area 51 technology by prominent US officials. Significant rumored leaks include:

  • Al Gore time traveled to centuries before 4,000 BC, with the majority of jumps between 8,000 BC and 25,000 BC.
  • Al Gore has a professed agenda for elimination of environmentally active carbon.
  • Al Gore requisitioned a Wide-Area Quantum-Capable Particle Separation Device (WAQCPSD) and Singularity-String-Enabled Power Transfer Units (SSEPTU) during a time-travel event.
  • Al Gore has an extreme, irrational, misguided obsession with carbon (but it doesn't prevent him from making large sums of money by abusing political power and influence at the highest levels of government).

Technically, the last item isn't a "leak of CIA classified information," but they felt obligated to provide "analysis and insight where national interests are at stake."

Some "Greys" explain the significance of these new revelations:

G: First, if Al Gore goes more than 20,000 miles off-planet, he'll probably have his skull cut open so his brain can be put in a transparent vat, and then he'll get to experience "enhanced interrogation" for about a thousand years or there-abouts.

G: Around the galaxy, humans are regarded as insignificant because even your nuclear technology is little more than glorified steam engines, and abuse of inherently stable quantum objects until their internal bonding shatters with a rapidly expanding energy-wave soup that redistributes to surrounding particles. No offense intended.

G: Bottom line - Al Gore extracts atmospheric carbon using an Area 51 particle separator way back in the past, and it causes a global Ice Age - nobody cares.... BUT, he got the power for the particle separator by draining the Atlantis power arrays thousands of years in the future via Singularity-String-Enabled Power Transfer Units.

G: This is just a guess, but in less than 24 hours, Al Gore depleted 20 years of power generation for a CONTINENT that had space travel capabilities. Then, because 90% of the continent was actually terraformed ocean floor that had been raised to the surface, the loss of power to stabilization beams meant the "ground" was about to go back where the Atlanteans got it. Know what I mean?

G: The natural portion of Atlantis would have collapsed because it had been excavated for power generation, space ship docking and maintenance, exotic food cultivation technology, entertainment facilities, and mineral collection.

G: The part that really sucks for Atlantis - Singularity Strings are like black holes. Once something goes in, pulling it back out doesn't work. You could time travel to eliminate the device, but all the power that passed from the Atlantis power arrays into Al Gore's power transfer unit could never be brought back - no matter how much time travel was used.

There you have it - most sentient beings of the galaxy now despise Al Gore more than any other creature, and accept that Al Gore is the most horrific criminal in the Milky Way system. No one knows how many died in the sinking of Atlantis, but it was probably "a big freakin' number" (not to mention the mass-destruction of real estate and personal property).

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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