Farting reaches danger levels in the EU

Funny story written by Mark Merton

Tuesday, 27 October 2009

image for Farting reaches danger levels in the EU

The European Commission is proposing new levels of total allowable fart (TAF) for each member state of the Union. The proposal is based on scientific advice from the Carbon Control Group CCG about the level of farting in the EU reaching dangerous levels and causing climate change.

The Commission has also discussed working methods with member states and pro-farting groups officially recognised in their countries. One such prominent group in France citing among its members President Sarkozy and actor Jean Depardieu expressed their concern about such measures putting a cap on the freedom of farting. President Sarkozy said that his membership of the group Gass Toujours was not a secret and that French people were free to produce as much "hot air" as they like.

Progress towards bringing all European farting down to harmless levels would be slow as our eating habits cause plenty of farting during and after the meals. A spokeperson for the fast food chain Macdonalds said that the company was working on a new hamburger which would push the gas upwords to convert farting into burping. He added that according to a study sponsored by Macdonalds burping would cause no harm to the environment. The new hamburger would be named MacFartless.

Carbon Control Group chairman Commissioner Borg said: "We welcome the effort by MacDonalds. We have worked hard to make sure our proposals are sound, workable and sensible. We have consulted the producers of fart inducing food and listened to the outcome they caused. We are planning to distribute free plugs on public transport and to assign fart-free sections at pubs and restaurants. Member states will introduce new control measures and appropriate penalties for offenders. We are determined to reduce farting in the EU."

Today the French newspaper Le Figaro has published a photo of the Commissioner Borg in a crouching position and probably farting in a lift with the caption "Sarkozy loves you".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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