Oasis Bar and Grill Temporally Closed Due to New "Lap Dance" Ordinance!

Funny story written by Morse

Wednesday, 23 September 2009


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Unemployed Lap Dancer with No One to Sit On after Oasis Bar Closed!

Crouch End, UK/ Life Style News - The Home Office has recently passed an ordinance against 'Lap Dance' establishments, leading to yet another closing of the Infamous Spoof Gathering Place , the Oasis II Bar and Grill.

Crouch End picketers, refereed to as "Crotch End Mutants" by pub proprietor Skoob 1999, successfully lobbied the weak kneed Home Office resulting in the ordinance which also banned all Trident Submarines, a standing Army, the persecution of illegal militant bombers, and the forced hiring of gays, transgender people, and non citizens to join the Queen's Palace Guard.

A distraught Skoob was quoted as saying the closing would only be temporary due to a misunderstanding by the Lap Dancing Enforcement Division.(LDED)

"Look, mate," he said as he was sweeping up debris in the pub from a prior evening's riotous poetry reading by noted Spoofers, " this is a small business operating on a shoe string. I put all the profits back into serving low priced Belgian Beer and free chips. More seats were in the budget, but were not yet funded."

Skoob said when the LDED investigators showed up, many of the patrons were sitting on each other's laps due to overcrowding.

"There was nothing weird going on here," he said forcefully, "This is a joint UK/US writing establishment where the boys can get together sitting on each other's laps, not in a gay way, and get to know each other better and cement Anglo-American relationships."

Skoob denied rumours that a nurse was always in attendance to help separate patrons who became 'stuck to their chairs' from leaving after 'last call."

"We do have a few chaps that appear to be overly fond of each other,"Skoob slyly admitted," but nothing ever comes of it since they change their minds about having it" off " after praying about it for five minutes!"

On a more prosperous note, Skoob confirmed that sales of the 2010 Nude Spoofer Leap Year Calendars are selling well with proceeds all being plowed back into the purchase of teflon coated plastic patio seats.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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