Rupert Murdouch to Purchase

Written by Asheville Jack

Wednesday, 5 August 2009


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Rupert Murdouch to Purchase
Doris in Tahiti

Sally Sallyfourth IV, the majority owner of the British internet satire news site '' announced today the sale of the company to Rupert Murdouch, owner of the much larger world wide news satire company News Douch Corp.

Mr. Sally Sallyfourth IV, in a telephone call from his vacation home in Tahiti alleged, "If the truth be known, I just can't take the abuse any more. When Rupert offered to buy the company I didn't have the strength to refuse. I'm tired, worn out, have lost all my hair, cry for no reason, have a terrible case of shingles, and haven't had sex in years . My doctor, who also happens to be Mr. Murdouch's, insisted that I take a long vacation, that my mental health and sanity was at stake. Oh, oh, yea Doris right there, don't stop, don't stop." No further statement from Mr. Sally Sallyfourth IV is expected.

From his home office at Number 1 Downing Street, London, Mr. Murdouch said he understood the difficulty Mr. Sallyfourth IV had in parting with but that he really didn't give a shit.

"Yea, you can quote me on that. I really don't give a shit," he said. "This purchase completes my strategy of world wide domination of totally false and phony news. From now on all stories submitted must disparage the Labor Party, Hillary and Bill Clinton, the Democratic Party in the US and of course that African born President Obama, regardless of subject matter. I don't give a shit if the story is about kumquats or kangaroos. Make up something where Bill is having sex with it if necessary. Remember, Rosebud, where's my fucking tea? that satire is always more exciting that the reality."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more