Effort Underway to Identify Remains Found on Italian Beach.

Funny story written by W.P. Wonder

Monday, 3 August 2009

image for Effort Underway to Identify Remains Found on Italian Beach.
What are you lookin' at? I ain't gettin' any deader!

A recently discovered skeleton found south of Rome is set to undergo extensive testing to pin down a genetic profile, and further shed light on the circumstances of death. As it stands now, a cursory examination of the find suggests the man was killed by an arrow to the chest around 2500 B.C.

Said scientist Momar Celeste, of the Abbondanza Institute of Pisa, "We hope to extrapolate from the lab work just how this ancient human, possibly a warrior, or maybe someone unluckily caught in the wrong place at the wrong time, met his distant demise. And, as an added bonus, it'd be nice to get an idea of what he might have looked like."

Unfortunately for the Institute, DNA and Radio-Carbon testing are very expensive propositions. It has to be outsourced from Italy, since most Italians tend to create havoc in sensitive environments like labs, what with all the talking they do with their hands.

"Test-tubes and beakers getting knocked over by flailing arms and dropped by frenetic fingers, ruining their precious contents, that's very expensive!" bemoaned Dr. Celeste.

Adding to the Professor's woes, if things had gone his way from the get-go, all the elaborate testing might have been avoided in the first place.

"We did have an inexpensive alternative," explained Dr. Celeste. "And that was to ask the one man alive today who might have firsthand, or at least secondhand knowledge of the prematurely deceased primitive. But I'm told that under the advice of counsel, Larry King won't return my calls."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more