Lance Armstrong Fuming over Tour De France Finish

Funny story written by Asheville Jack

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

image for Lance Armstrong Fuming over Tour De France Finish
Lance Armstrong's Sympathy Bikers

Paris, France - Lance Armstrong revealed today the depth of his despair in finishing third in the recently completed Tour De France. "I just can't bring myself to dismount from my bike even though the race ended last Sunday," said the seven time Tour De France Champion. "The pain caused by this tiny ass seat helps to mask the pain I feel in my heart."

After finishing third in the race behind Alberto Contador of Spain, Armstrong rode up to the nearby Cafe Jerry Lewis where he has remained seated ever since. "I just can't bear to get off (my bike)," Armstrong said to the lone remaining reporter. Asked what has been the most difficult part since losing the race Armstrong replied, "Monday, when I had the kickstand installed was a little embarrassing, but I was about to fall over from lack of sleep."

Armstrong blamed the loss of the race on the handicap the Tour De France officials placed upon the seven time champion. "Riding the last three stages through the mountains without tires while pulling Greg Lemond's dead body was more than I could overcome," he said, "but there's always next year.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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