WHITEHALL, UK: UK's Labor government has just taken outsourcing to new levels. In a move intended to win the hearts and minds of Britons prior to forthcoming elections the Brown government is attempting to rehabilitate the behavior of British Asbos - delinquents with anti-social behavior disorders.
Alistair Cornerstore, a spokesman for Child Services said: "Wildlife officials in India have built special schools where they have successfully improved the behaviour of delinquent monkeys. These rogue monkeys pose a serious threat to people in India by invading homes, attacking people, robbing them and seriously damaging property. Not unlike the behavior displayed by our growing Asbo population.
As a government we have been utterly useless in being able to tackle this menace by our human delinquents. After seeing the incredible results of India's school for rogue monkeys and their ability to modify the behaviour of these menacing macaques our government has decided it is cheaper for us to ship off our problem Asbos to these schools where they will be properly disciplined"
In the first phase only the worst offenders will be shipped off by steerage so they can join their simian goons in a tightly guarded crash course in good manners. They will then have their good behaviour rewarded, aggression reduced and if they meet all the standards eventually be released into the general British society where it is hoped they will live as productive citizens.
Indian officials were not available for comment but an anonymous source stated: "Our success in rehabbing malevolent macaques has been awesome. Many of these monkeys now work in newspaper offices and tv stations as chaiwallahs. The Railways minister might even consider a project where they work as tea boys at railway stations. Another dexterous group of modified macaques works at a samosa shop where the owner was forced to let go his regular human worker.
Other quietened, relaxed and well-behaved monkeys work in small parts factories and retirement homes where they make great nurses aides and helpers. This is another brilliant example of Indian ingenuity. Maybe there is hope for your bad boys"