Soylent Green Is People

Funny story written by Chamone

Friday, 17 July 2009

image for Soylent Green Is People
From my cold dead hands....

The ghost of Charlton Heston has uncovered a dastardly plan to feed people on human flesh. The square-jawed action man took a break from his duties impersonating God and Moses in Heaven to foil the cannibalistic scheme.

"From my cold dead hands I wrenched the truth. Solent Green is people!", he bellowed during a press conference.

The dead star infiltrated the corporation creating the pre-packaged foodstuff known as 'Soylent Green'.

Chefs all around the country said it tasted 'meaty' but had a shitty looking texture to it. This 'shitty texture' it alter turned out was human excrement.

Heston used all his acting abilities - which mostly involved clenching his jaw and puffing out his chest - to get a job down on the factory floor.

"What I saw was horrible and sickening. Lots and lots of conveyors belts….I hate conveyor belts. They make me sick. And then when I discovered what was really inside Soylent Green I almost shit my pants", he postured.

So impressed have the authorities been with Heston's work, that they have now asked him to infiltrate the Kellogg's Pop Tart factory to find out what in fuck is really inside those disgusting things.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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