"Make Me A Zombie" Jackson Begged Doctors

Funny story written by Earl Grey

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

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The treatment worked at the start

Michael Jackson was so addicted to the powerful drug Depravedivan that he begged to be "put under" it has been claimed. The singer was "put under" exactly as he wished.

He had previously spent up to 72 hours living "like a corpse". Unfortunately every so often he would ruin this by releasing a record. These are the shocking allegations made by pretty plastic surgery nurse Kathryn Butfelcher.

Kathryn, 41, the long-term partner of one of the surgeons who created Jackson, said the star became addicted to Depravedivan shortly after seeing a small child for the first time.

She said "Michael's addiction to Depravedivan and touching children's bottoms got worse as time went on. It was an insane cycle. we'd give him the drug to stop him doing it. He'd touch a child to make us give him more."

"He was literally cracking one off and then living like a Zombie for 72 hours. Towards the end of the 90s he was a dead man wanking."

"Eventually Michael mummified himself. He was so depraved up it was crazy. Molesting children was his sole purpose. The drug only knocked hom out for 72 hours at a time. "

Meanwhile Joe Jackson today defended the comeback tour. "It was a good idea, but perhaps too many dates. Still there's always the kids. Michael would have understood that exploiting the children is what it is all about."

A spokesperson for tour promoters AEG Dead said "Michael was in great shape... for a guy made of plastic suffering from drug addiction and mental illness."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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