New research from Reading University reveals that an increasing number of women are becoming extremely vocal whilst indulging in acts of a sexual nature. The most commonly used vocalisations being:
"Yes! Yes! Oh My God YESSS!"
"Oh yeah. Right there."
"Fick me harder. HARDER! YES!"
"Oh my GOD! YES!"
Such comments lead to male partners thinking that they are the dog's bollocks in the sack, yet extensive research has proved that this is not necessarily the case. Doctor Ruth Ruth of Reading University told us:
"This vocalisation should not be interpreted as passion. It is merely in most cases an attempt to speed up the act by the woman. Who would probably prefer to be doing something altogether different. With easy access to hard core porn, women are becoming more savvy, acting out what the porno starlets do on screen and thus overexciting their partners in order to conclude the act prematurely so they can get back to more womanly things, like sleeping, shopping, e-Bay, and eating chocolate."
"My wife calls me 'Tiger' Raaarrgh!" a passer by told us.
"He loves it when I talk dirty," the man's wife told us. "He's shit in bed really, but when the bidding ends in six minutes for your e-Bay item and there's a creme egg on the table you have to hurry things along somehow."
At which point we made our excuses and retreated to the pub.
More as we get it.