Written by Bureau

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

image for CIA Announces EBay Sale Of Now Closed Former Prisoner Camp Items
CIA Accused Of Nearly Peacock-Feathering Victims To Death

Months after the CIA announced that it is shutting down all its secret prisons in countries all around the world, they are having a sale on eBay coming up the second week of May to try to recoup some of their expenses from over the past 8 years.

They have already announced that none of the profits from the sale will go towards the purchasing of any new buildings or equipment to use in torture techniques in the future.

CIA director Leon Panetta announced this eBay sale this week, saying that the agency is closing down all of its secret prisons throughout the world. During the Bush administration, these sites located in other friendly countries or some who just got a kick out of it, were used to detain and interrogate terror suspects in an neutral zone.

One of Obama's first acts as President was to order their closing down.

Facing budget cuts like every other agency, the CIA is hoping to sell equipment from the now defunct sites to recoup whatever revenue possible.

Among items to choose from are 1,000 peacock feathers, blindfolds and grapes (which the blindfolded prisoner is told are the eyeballs that have been removed from other prisoners), 100 sets of "The Complete Yanni" Recordings, Cd's of Dizzy Dean singing "The Walbash Cannonball" while drunk on the microphone on the old baseball game of the week, the Ace Trucking Company Guy who kept telling the victim "You dasn't has to call me MR Johnson for hours, the entire four hours of Abbott & Costello's "Who's On First" routine, Mime Holograms, 12 Hours of "Are We There Yet?", The John Cleese cattle prods that enforced the prisoners to do silly walks for hour upon hour, Posters of a nude Nora Batty, Drunks telling stories, calling you'ole buddy, ole pal" and 10,000 cans of skunk oil.

There is also a huge collection of cans of whupass of all sizes. These have all been stored in cotton and will be sold as a single lot. There will be many other items that you can check before the second week of May.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: CIA




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