Written by shea lo

Thursday, 19 February 2009

image for Critic dares Bollywood to make a realistic film about Mumbai. Says Bollywood stars who slam Slumdog have been living with their heads up their arses
Top Bollywood star pained by Slumdog depiction

MUMBAI - Ferocious, self-serving criticisms have been leveled against Danny Boyle's successful Oscar-nominated film "Slumdog Millionaire" by a jealous Bollywood fraternity and the perennially petulant Indian chatteratti.

"To hear them complain, you'd think this entire community has been living with their heads up their arses", said well-known local media critic Goodboy Filmwala. "It is hilarious hearing them whine: "Oh it shows India in a bad light; Oh they should have shown rich locales like Marine Drive; Oh we are so pained at the depiction of poverty; Oh we could have made a better movie; Oh the Oscars don't mean a thing. As if Indian films win Oscars every day!

"What are they thinking when they pile through a shit-laden monsoon flood? What do they see from their tinted car windows when they drive through the slums - the Taj Mahal? Mumbai is full of slums; even ritzy Marine Drive has its nocturnal shitters who line up every evening to stink up the air".

He said it was a typical case of narcissistic, hypocritical,self-centered, barely-talented celebrities whining because they have been displaced.

"Nobody put a gun to their head and prevented them from producing a brilliant masterpiece like Slumdog. The truth is they have no vision, no talent, they lack creativity and they are unable to see India through an international prism or to understand the metaphors that define Slumdog.

"All that these good-for-nothing, emotionally-immature and sexually-repressed directors are capable of is churning out the formulaic, crappy, teenage-hormonally-charged drivel - the ubiquitous masala picture - three hours of nonsensical caterwauling while rolling in the grass followed by cartoon male chauvinists slapping around silly, over-emoting docile women. This is not today's India. They should be ashamed to put out such garbage in the name of Indian culture".

Asked by this reporter whether he would face the wrath of his media peers for his comments, he laughed and said: I hear someone has already anticipated what I might say and filed a PIL [public interest litigation] charge against me - for hurting their feelings! Go figure!

He said he was a proud Indian and wished Slumdog every success at the Oscars!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: India, Bollywood

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