Men with Big Penises Live Longer, Happier, More Satisfying and Productive Lives

Funny story written by Madame Bitters

Thursday, 19 February 2009

Hey!

The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Men with Big Penises Live Longer, Happier, More Satisfying and Productive Lives
Will that be regular, large, extra large or, ahem, "petite" today, sir?

Duke University, NC- After decades of research by sociologists, psychologists, statististions, anthropologists and astrologers it has been determined, without any doubt, that men with large penises live longer, happier, more satisfying and productive lives.

"We've suspected it all along, but we needed evidence to support it," saya Dr.Lester Longdong-Silver.

"Now, after all these years we have conclusive proof that well endowed men are happier, live longer and are just generally better than their smaller counterparts."

The study only took into account men who died from natural causes only. Men who died car accidents, farming and industrial accidents and freak accidents, like being struck by lightning in a movie theater were not taken into account.

Men who were victims of foul play, be it by a jilted lover who found out her well endowed partner was fooling around with a better looking woman or by a cuckhold husband who catches a well endowed man in mid coitus with his wife were not counted either.

Strangly enough (or perhaps not) was there were no suicides involving men with big penises.

When Dr. Longdong-Silver was asked what actually constituted a penis as being large, he simply laughed.

"Oh, a man knows when he has a a big dick. After years of lockerooms and group showers, they know."

When asked if there was any way for smaller men to beat the odds of leading a miserable, pathetic existance, Dr. Longdong-Silver shook his head.

"No, I'm afraid there isn't. Not yet anyway."

The doctor went on to say, "Since the scientists here at Duke found out the results of our study, research on cures for debilitating diseases such as Parkinson's, Lou Gehrig's Desease, Cystic Fibrosis, Altzheimers, and every type of cancer have been put on hold indefinately. But a remedy will likely be a long time coming."

I suppose it's up to this reporter to offer some hope and encouragemnet for those who are lacking. So, here it is:

Don't worry, men out there with teeny weenies; you'll be dead soon.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more