Dalai Lama Calls for 'World Fleece'

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 12 December 2008

image for Dalai Lama Calls for 'World Fleece'
One of many stops on the Lama's comedy tour

In an annual holiday speech, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, planned to speak on many topics affecting countries and people all over the world. Prepared for him by a collaborative team of political speech writers and theologians, the 20 minute emotional dissertation designed to bring religions together in a state of mutual tolerance, had a different impact on his audience.

On stage in Madrid, Spain and speaking first about halting religious and political aggression between countries, His Holiness pleaded with political leaders for "World Fleece", urging military leaders to "Stop Warts immediately". The audience gathered for the historic speech began to snicker at what was assumed at first to be an unintentional error, until the speech continued.

Shifting to more social topics like feeding the hungry and providing basic shelter to those less fortunate than others, the Dalai Lama raised his hand and pointed to the crowd pleading with them to "Feed the Homely". Moving on to economic and environmental issues, His Holiness challenged local business leaders to help "Stimulate the growth of their local E. Coli's", then moving on to discuss the impact of our ever increasing carbon footprint, he asked governments to support the "End of Global Farming".

While the audience had progressed into belly laughter at times, one of the Dalai Lama's personal aids rushed to the stage to hand the religious leader his reading glasses, at which point the speech continued without further comedic incident. Carl Spackler, golf course green keeper and former caddy for the Lama, flew in for the speech and commented, "He's a Cinderella kind of guy who knocked that speech past the green. Big Hitter the Lama, I mean long. Funny too. He should go out on tour."

Picking up on the popularity of his accidental speech errors, the Dalai Lama is now reaching out towards a new audience through a planned international comedy club tour. Spackler says, "The bald head, the flowing robes, the sense of punchline timing? Striking". The Lama can be seen at the Chuckle Club in London and the Funny Bone on St. Louis starting in February.

Props to "Caddyshack"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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