The leaders of Al Queda, Hamas, Hezbollah and the Leona Lewis Fan Club have shown unusual co-operation by issuing a joint statement to their respective fanatics and murderers.
From 1st September, all car bombs used by suicide and homicide bombers will have to be more environmentally friendly.
A spokesman from the joint group, Ali Hannah Barberous said:
"We are concerned the impact our suicide bomber brethren are having on the environment. From now on, the use of ammonia, nitrates, toluenes and other substances identified as harmful to the envirtonment will be banned.
"We want our bombers to ensure they' think environment' before they manufacture their bombs from substances that might harm the, er, environment.
"We are issuing a list of environmentally harmful substances through the Madras and Extremist Mosque networks immediately, and any suicide bomber caught using these banned substances will be hauled in before the International Council of Extremists and given a good telling off.
"The messages are clear.
"If you are going to maim and kill innocent people, make sure their surviving families have a good and clean enviroment in which to mourn for the passing of their loved ones. Use unleaded fuel in your stolen car, and don't cause sound pollution for passers-by by having your boom-boxes playing too loudly.
"It only takes a moment to have some consideratiion for others."
