Church Got It Wrong. Ancient Document Says, "Celebrate," Not "Celibate!"

Funny story written by Caspar

Friday, 12 February 2010


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In the hills near the shores of the Dead Sea there is a small, closed Christian monastic community. It was here, almost 2,000 years ago that a manuscript was prepared that set out the way of life that all Christian monastic orders have followed ever since.

That manuscript is still extant in the archives of the small monastery, but no one has had the chance to read or examine it since it was stored away all those long years ago. Until now, that is.

With the recent appointment of a new, more liberal bishop to the monastery, it was decided to dust off the ancient manuscript and have it re-translated to bring it more into line with the 21st century.

What they found has caused shockwaves to reverberate throughout all the world's Christian monastic establishments.

One of the main tenets of the manuscript that was believed to state that all members, "...should stay celibate in all matters of sex..." has been found to be in error. The new translation has found the phrase to more accurately read that members, "...should stay, and celebrate in all matters of sex..."

"This certainly puts a different slant on things," said the jubilant bishop when interviewed last week. "I'm off to Jerusalem where the girls are willing and pretty! I'm off to celebrate - screw all that celibacy nonsense."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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