Church of Environmental Scientology Indicted for Heresy

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Monday, 8 February 2010

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Heaven: The Reverend Al Gore, the spiritual head of the Church of Environmental Scientology, briefly was out of communications range on the way to an environmental conference in Copenhagen Denmark. The private jet disappeared off the RADAR screen while making a slight detour.

"Where am I," said Al on awakening? "Heaven" said the angelic choir. "You mean my private jet crashed?" said Al! "No you have been brought here to face indictment and then stand trial for heresy" said a booming voice "Who are you?" said Al. "I am the Lord, thy God" said the booming voice. "Who are they?" said Al. "Moses, Jesus and Muhammad, the three judge panel who will hear arguments presented by the prosecution." said the booming voice.

"From who?" said Al.

"Buddha and Vishnu for the prosecution aided by the Dalai Lama and the Druid's Earth Mother are charging you with creative fabrication of events, bearing false witness by employing manipulated climate data and a lesser charge of violating thou shall not employ junk science. Taking care of the planet is my job and you do remember vengeance is also mine! So if I say there will be climate change it will not be manmade and I have a flood of experience on the subject!" said the booming voice.

"Who's my defense team?" asked Al.

"Satan, he is well acquainted with warm places and as you seem to have been seduced by global warming I thought it rather fitting. Not since Lucifer was cast out have we had any honest lawyers around here and Satan did a devil of a search for one in his part of the forest." said the booming voice.

"Al, He always gives me the tough cases! You don't seem to walk the walk as well as talk the talk, wreaking havoc with ordinary people's lives by advocating Carbon Dioxide is causing fish, bugs and Polar Bears to become extinct. Glad you weren't here through the Dinosaur crisis. Today, everything is being blamed on this new boogie man climate change, from famine to athlete's feet. Yet you continue to live high on the hog. Ugh, sorry Moses and Muhammad! The penalty for your blasphemy can really make your backside a little toasty." said Satan.

So what now? said Al.

"We are going to send you back to contemplate your gross pontifications, put your indictment temporarily in a lock box and perhaps you will change your ways. You are planning to say in Copenhagen, that "the polar ice cap will be gone in 5 to 7 years." Reverend Gore you made that same statement five years ago! We also have access to Google! Oh by the way, the Himalayan glaciers are not melting. You will get a wake-up call and possibly a return visit, if it is felt that you still transgress." said the booming voice.

"Ah me, we have to get Bishop Tutu up here for blaming all of Africa's problems on climate change, Danny Glover for blaming the Haiti earthquake on global warming and the Reverend Pat Robertson for being just plain full of it." added the booming voice.

Al woke up as his private jet landed in Denmark after having experienced some unexplained turbulence, spewing the alleged greenhouse gases he is always ranting against, but wondering why his pants were on fire!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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